So it's been a while. There are really no easy excuses for my lack of blogging. Suddenly I just found myself without a voice. Or hearing too many voices might be more accurate. Either way, there just didn't seem to be a point, and I always did hate busy work. There have been quiet moments of clarity in my blogging hiatus, but they have been fleeting. I've asked God several times to just force on me a desire for prayer and reflection, but He's even more stubborn than I am. "Seek me with all your Heart" is always the answer that I get. So I asked for a new heart. I still felt like I was being told to seek. But I just didn't feel like it. How lame is that? This is a recurring crisis, so I know the solution. He and I have had these communication issues before, too many times.
I've had several of those glimpses of clarity this week. From PreK worship to a call to relentlessly surrender, to hanging around at a concert watching little blue Compassion papers pour in and knowing what a blessing it was to be a part in it. I also traded in mindless for mindful yesterday evening and listened to a great podcast from Passion City Church where Louie Giglio said (pardon the paraphrase) that sometimes you might not feel like you are who God says you are, but that's OK because "operational truth" trumps feelings.
Last night, we were getting the girls ready for bed. I told the youngest to hug her daddy good night. She ran to him, looked up at him with those big blue eyes and a smile on her face. He clapped once and held his hands out to her. "Come here." She reached up and jumped to him, and her short little legs barely left the ground. She couldn't jump to him no matter how hard she tried. But it was enough, and he pulled her to him and held her tight. I'm sure this happens all the time in my house, but last night it just hit me. I have to reach up and jump, even if I don't feel like it. It's not going to get me very far and I'm not going to accomplish anything really by doing so. Except that it's going to allow Him to reach down and grab me, pull me close, and hold on. And maybe you read this and say, "Well yeah, of course it's that easy." If you do, please let me in on how you keep sight of that in life's monotony and challenges. But if you're like me and you struggle with this stuff, do yourself a favor and just jump like a three-year-old jumping to her daddy.
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"1 John 3:1