Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Voices in the Dark

When the lights are low and the breaths beside you are slow and rhythmic, sometimes you hear things. Not things that go bump in the night, but voices. Voices in your head that remind you of things you've done, things you've thought, and lies you've believed. And it's  hard, because the voices are as accurate as a history text. 

It's easy to find yourself back in the negative cycle of accusing yourself and remembering even more wretched behaviors, feeling the guilt pile grow higher and higher. But sometimes, even if it isn't often, you remind yourself that these aren't yours to carry anymore. You've asked for forgiveness and been assured numerous times that your sins have been covered, and nothing has or even is allowed to change that. And you find yourself asking forgiveness for forgetting. You think this might be a good time to catch up a few days on that Bible reading plan. You read in Luke, "Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” 

And maybe you've never seen it this way before, but you start to apply these words not just to your relationships with others, but to the way you see yourself. Suddenly you find that you really can't even afford to slip back into that self-condemnation cycle. Too much rests on your ability to forgive and move forward. Tonight Light wins and the voices quiet, leaving only peace and sleepiness in the dark.

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